Am I selfish for wanting to leave him?
I know money is not everything in life but we can all say it’s necessary. We expect our weekly or bi-weekly checks to pay for groceries, bills, and a mortgage to name a few. I recently bought a house and with it I have become more aware of my expenses and now manage my money more carefully.
My boyfriend of almost a yr and a half is still where I met him. In fact he’s worse than how I met him. Let me start by saying he’s an illegal immigrant. When I met him he had a stable job 5-6 days a week. As of today he works 1-3 days a week if he’s lucky, he does not have a car, and shares a small room with 2 other guys. You can imagine how crowded they are. Well I don’t care that he doesn’t have a comfortable place to live in but I do care and it’s starting to become a frustrating issue that he doesn’t have money to take us both out.
For a few months after he lost his job it was me paying for almost everything. This was before I bought my house though. I even lend him $400 to pay for his rent. He still hasn’t paid me back and it’s been a yr. Nor does he show any signs of paying me.
Usually we go out every weekend out to dinner or clubbing. If he doesn’t have money for dinner we don’t go but he eats at my house. If he has enought money for gas and parking, we go to the club since the entry is free b4 10pm. Sometimes he doesn’t have enought money for gas but since I want to go real bad I agree to pay for it myself. I always provide the money for a bottle of alcohol too.
And it’s always been me who drives us everywhere. In the beginning this was not an issue but lately I’ve been very angry and frustrated to see how he sits so comfortably in the passenger’s seat and I’m always annoyed and tired driving his a*s everywhere. I’ve dug deep inside and I think the reason I feel this way is because I don’t feel appreciated and at times have felt used.
I’m very independent but also very old fashioned. I live alone, work full time, go to college and I don’t have kids yet. I can be on my own without a man’s financial support but still expect my man to open my car door and pay the bill, propose on his knee, etc. etc. He does these things for me but it’s not enough because our roles are swapped still.
My boyfriend is a good man. He is sweet and loving yet I don’t feel appreciated and sometimes feel like he takes advantage of me. I love him very much but his situation is wearing me down. I hate the fact that I being the woman have to rush to get ready so I can pick him up on time like he was a little princess.
I feel selfish as I write this but I feel like he has nothing to offer me. I am going to college and aiming for a Bachelor’s degree. He, he’s staying home sleeping when he’s not working because he says he can’t find jobs in construction.
English as a second language classes are offered for free near his home and he quits soon after. I see no motivation in him and I think it’s due to his illegal status – “I have to live one day at a time because I don’t know what tomorrow can bring me.”
I’ve been wined and dined by friends and it feels so good when I don’t have to lift a single finger and everything is taken care of. I don’t expect a man to do everything for me but I do expect to carry my role as the woman and the man as the man’s. I want something better for me and I know I can get it but the thought of not seeing him every weekend scares me.
His attitude and ways of treating me have not changed since I met him. In fact he’s sweeter and kinder. He knows how I feel about his situation and he asks me to please wait for him and be patient because he will come out of this one. He says he loves me a lot and wants to marry me and be with me for ever. OH, and he has a kid with some girl in another country. His son lives with my bf’s parents and the kid’s mom….he says he doesn’t know where she’s at. Supposedly my bf never loved her but she did love him. The kid is now 6 yrs old and my bf left his country when his son was 2.
Am I wasting my time with this man? What things can I do on the weekends to keep myself busy and not fall for him when he calls me wanting to see me? Please help.
Keep in mind he lives an hr away. When he visits me he takes the bus. When I visit him I drive my car.
You’re wasting your time in a bad relationship. He isn’t doing anything to better himself and he most likely never will. You can’t live your life like that. Dump him and find a good man. There are plenty of them out there.
a child support question?
hi, i live in west virginia. my girlfriend and i have a 1 year old son together. through the last year we have been locked in mortgage limbo on our house, therefore our addresses were listed as different. we were summoned to a child support hearing in which we were told that child support would only be taken out for 2 or 3 payments(i cant recall which it was) as backpay.and when we got our addresses straightened out to come back and let them know, at which time they would cease taking payments out of my paychecks. that was in oct 2010. about this time we moved into our new house but were still stuck in mortgage limbo, meaning i couldnt change my employment status or risk messing up the loan. here is where the fun really begins. No payments were taken out of my paychecks until dec 10, 2010. the first payment of $148 was taken out dec 10, another of the same amount was taken out on dec. 24, 2010(i get paid every 2 weeks). neither payment was sent to the child support agency until dec. 28, 2010. My girlfriend and i thought, “hey its a one time thing, no big deal, at least thats all that they will take and now its done”…we were wrong. the next paycheck had the same amount taken out and once again was not sent to the child support agency, i then started recieving letters in the mail from the child support agency stating that i was delinquent on my payments. my girlfriend and i then went to the agency this same thing occured on every paycheck for the next 2 months. payments taken out of my checks by my employer, yet not sent to the agency. after repeatedly trying to phone the agency, we finally went down to the office. while there, we were informed that it wasnt just my checks, but my employer was not sending any other employee’s child support payments in either. he was apparently up to thousands of dollars behind. they had already notified him by letter. also, while at this meeting they informed us that if we wanted to end our child support case when we got the money from my employer that we could. they told us they were leaving the case open until he sent the money in, that way their lawyers could handle it and we wouldnt have to seek outside consultation. that was in february 2011. he has never gotten it caught all the way up, so we have never been able to get the case closed. now he is over $700 behind again. i ask the managers where i work about it and they tell me i have to talk to the accountants, when the child support office calls the accountant they tell them that the owner does the child support, then when they call him he becomes aggresive and profane and hangs up. these payments were supposed to stop being taken out in february and its still happening. it wouldnt be as bad if the money were being sent in, because then my girlfriend could get it and we could pay our bills with it. but that’s not happening and we are falling behind on our bills and everything else and all the child support tells us is they turned it over to their attorneys and if we havent got the money in 3 weeks to come and talk to them again. i don’t understand what they expect us to do. we can’t tell the utility companies to wait a couple weeks can we? the main problem,as i already stated, is that these payments arent even supposed to be being taken out of my checks. what can i do about this? the child support bureau is clearly not that concerned about it and we are running out of options on our money. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Federal Child Support Enforcement Handbook for Non-Custodial Parents
To learn a father’s rights, join Dads House Educational Center in Yahoo Groups. It’s free to join, access all materials You associate with other fathers going through, and have already gone through, the same issues. We have an Educational Manual that teaches everything that needs to be known in addressing your legal issues. Mention your question here when asked why you want to join, as well as your state? Http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Dads_House_Ed_Ctr/
2nd Wife Club, for those brave enough to take on a man with “baggage”.
Why would someone come by and take a picture of our doorknob?
On Saturday morning, about 9:00, I heard our back doorknob rattle. I looked up, expecting to see my 22 yr old son walk in the door, but instead I saw an older lady taking a picture of our doorknob! She left and I ran to the window to see what she was doing next. I saw a jeep with the back window (vinyl) torn, drive out the lane. I then checked the door to see if she’d left a hanger, but there was nothing there. I got my husband to run out and see if he could see anything. I wanted him to go after her and ask her what she was doing. The Jeep was stopped at the top of the driveway and there was a man out, taking a picture of our entrance, with our house number on it. I was freaked out.
We are behind on our mortgage and were told that it is in foreclosure status, but have not received any notices of any court dates, etc. In fact, we have been working with them on getting a loan modification. Do mortgage companies hire people to go out and take pictures of doorknobs? I have never heard of this practice and I am a little scared.
Change your locks! It was an X-ray camera and the criminals will use the picture to make a key to rob and/or rape you.
Worried about upcoming DHS Redetermination meeting. What do I say?
I am a single mom with 2 kids; the youngest is disabled. In my divorce, my ex agreed to pay the mortgage instead of child support. He lost his job almost 2 years ago and couldn’t pay the mortgage any longer. House went into foreclosure but my kids and I are still living in the marital home for now since it hasn’t sold at auction yet. My children receive Medicaid due to my income status and my son’s disability. I took my ex to court to get child support a year ago since he wasn’t paying the mortgage anymore but was receiving unemployment. The judge ordered an income withholding from my ex’s UIA checks, but to have it listed as “attorney fees” instead of “child support” in order to not affect the DHS benefits my children receive. The judge specifically instructed the FOC to not have it listed as child support, but to have it withheld from my ex’s income the same way child support is withheld. I have my annual DHS Benefit Redetermination meeting next week. I worry that if my caseworker knows I receive funds from my ex then I will be in trouble, even though it’s not technically considered child support or alimony. I assumed since the judge purposely worked it this way so I wouldn’t lose any DHS benefits, that it must be legal. Even with the money from my ex, I still could not afford private health insurance for my kids, especially since my ex is unemployed and I am only receiving a small amount of money from his UIA checks. Since this money isn’t considered child support, do I need to disclose it to the DHS caseworker if she asks if I receive child support? Since DHS, SSA and MISDU are all interconnected computer-wise, I assumed DHS would already know if I was doing something wrong. Any ideas here? I don’t want to get into legal trouble. Trying to do the right thing. I know the judge ordered it to be done this way, but I just want to be sure it’s 100% legal. Thanks!!
I’d suggest that you try calling the attorney who represented you when you went back to court for child support. If the money he has paid you for “attorney fees” has not exceeded the money you did pay out for attorney fees, I would think you would be okay.
If you can’t get an answer from your former attorney, you may get an answer from an attorney here. If neither of those works, you might try asking a free question on this website, which is supposed to give you answers from attorneys: https://www.lawguru.com/answers/.
If the judge ordered it, you should be okay, but it’s good in situations like these, I think, to be overly cautious and get an answer from an attorney.
can a 2nd mortagage lender come after you after a short sale in ca?
my mom did a short sale in ca last year in november, both the first and second mortgage lenders issued a 1099-C, now citimortgage is calling asking for their money, checked her credit report and both accounts stated they were settled and paid legally for less than the full balance, what can she do now? also, it appears that citimortgage transferred the loan amount (which had been settled) to a different acoount now, the status of that is open, looks like this account was posted by them back in july
so what recourse does she have now?
Unfortunately Jimmy gave a great answer here. When completing a short sale, one must make sure that part of the terms is that the lenders both 1. Agree to settle short of full payment and 2. Waive any deficiency judgments. Most first lien lenders will waive the right to seek any deficiency, it’s the 2nd that you have to be careful of (and in some cases, mortgage insurance companies as well) as they will not waive their rights, they will agree to payment and settle, but they will pursue their rights. About the only advice I can give you is to find the approval letter from citi and possibly seek legal counsel as the verbage on the approval could be tricky and actually give Citi the right to pursue their deficiency rights
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